Inside This Issue:

The Single Guy:Communidate, Issue 229

single guyby Aaron Hurd

The Career Me Vs. The Relationship Me!

Lately as I have been making a career change and getting out of an industry that I have been a part of for many years. I have been pondering about life, about what I have done, and where I plan to go. Every 5 years or so I go through a transition of deep thinking, worry, and evaluation. As I grow older, it just keeps getting more terrifying wondering “Am I doing the right thing?”  The last few weeks I have been reading a whole lot of business books and I have been personally thinking if I can only switch the business self with the personal life self, maybe I would be better off in both relationships and my career.

In my career life, I think I have been extra soft. I have been the “nice guy”, the “people pleaser”, and go with the flow and not argue and pretty much avoid conflict. I have been devoted, never called in sick, and very much a Type A hard worker. I love to stay busy and I thrive in an environment where I am constantly doing something- I love that!  Down time to me is enough to drive me crazy.  I will bend over backwards to make things right and I hate when I do something wrong and will even take blame when I really did nothing wrong.

In my personal life, I am the complete opposite. It is really like night and day. I am extra tough, cold hearted at times, and love to argue. I will stand up for myself and you better not do anything that will piss me off because I will definitely let you have it. If you mess with me in a relationship and burn me at all, I am gone! With me, you get one chance, and if it does not work, do not expect a second chance – I have already moved on and I do not plan on looking back. I am stubborn, even if it is my fault, I have been known to turn the tables to somehow make it your fault and I will win. If I don’t, you will get some harsh words that are sure to leave a sting-I blame it on my Scorpio sign. I am always on guard and prepare myself for the worst, all in a poor attempt to guard my heart.

I think that maybe I have been doing it wrong this whole time. In business, I have seen people act like I do in my personal life and things seem to go in their favor. Supervisors are afraid of them, coworkers walk around on eggshells trying to please that attitude and they seem to get what they want. The nicer you are in the business world; the more people like to take advantage of that kindness because you let them. It is funny to me that the people who cause the most conflict are the ones that tend to have it made in business. They like to cause rumors, create a tense environment and many times, they get rewarded for this behavior.

If I can switch the two attitudes, I am sure it would pay off in so many ways. If I was the kind, avoided conflict, and devoted hard worker in relationships, I can only imagine the kind of love I would have. If I kept my mouth shut, tried to make it work no matter what, be the bigger person and say “I’m sorry”- I think I may not be the Single Guy and the happily married relationship coach guy. (I know, pretty big stretch there huh?).

Or better yet, maybe I just need to be the better person in both fields, after all, that is the Christian way, right? Stay the nice guy at work and be the nicer caring guy in relationships. In my business life, it is all about my customers, my coworkers, and my business and paycheck.  In my personal life, it is all about looking out for me, making sure I am on guard, and keeping myself safe from hurt, distrust and harm. That is the REAL problem; relationships are not about ME they are about Her and, really, US. I need to make myself more vulnerable like I do at work, that is the only way I am going to experience true love to its fullest. It is a tough habit to break and a total attitude readjustment. Really a priority adjustment. My priorities need to change, especially if I ever plan on getting married. If I keep up the personal attitude, it will never work, she will never have a chance, and I will forever be the “on the job doormat, career-minded, jerk in relationships- Single Guy”. I do not need a bigger title I need a bigger open heart and make relationship me, match career me, what a happy consistent balance that will be.

Do you seem to have this problem? How would you suggest I adjust this attitude? Email me at

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